Life Burnout

You might wonder how I could experience burnout when I am no longer really homeschooling. Ah, but you forget, I now have a very active toddler living here! And toddlers have been known to cause life burnout, which is exactly the variety of burnout I just went through. Not that it was the toddler’s fault! She really is a wonderful little girl and I love having her here and am grateful we are able to provide her and her mommy a safe place to land … most of the time, anyway.

It’s just that I have taken care of children for over twenty-three years now. With our last child graduating in May I though that time of my life was done and I had been eagerly anticipating doing some new things, something that did not necessarily involve children! I had also become used to quieter days and being able to pick up and go as I wished, when I wished. Suddenly I was thrust back into those toddler years where you plan around naps and diaper changes and such. Talk about a big change!

Add to that all the other changes that have occurred in our lives the last two to three years – children moving in, children moving out, weddings, the birth of our first grandchild, moving to another state, my father’s health issues – and you can see that my life has been more than a little eventful recently. Normally I am pretty even tempered and adapt to the highs and lows that life throws my way quickly and easily. But suddenly it felt like more than I could handle.

Signs of Burnout

About mid-July I began to realize that I was not adapting as easily as I would have anticipated and by August the signs of a full-blown Life Burnout were readily apparent:

• Extreme tiredness
• Snapping at people for no reason
• Mentally running through the list of the negatives in my life over and over
• Physically aching all over
• Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated
• Eating too much junk food
• No interest in activities that I usually enjoy, such as crocheting and writing

Dealing With The Physical

It is one thing to recognize the signs, though, and quite another to begin doing something about them. Thankfully I realized that one thing I could easily do was begin to take my vitamins again. I am very good at reminding others in my family to take their vitamins, but not so good at remembering to take them myself. To be honest, in the past I never really noticed much difference in how I felt whether I took them or not. But as I near the half century mark, I find that I now notice a big difference and I do need to take them, especially my B-Complex and Omega’s. After just two weeks of starting back on a daily supplements regime, including a new packet of vitamins designed especially for women my age, I began to have more energy and the physical exhaustion eased.

The next step was to cut out the junk food, which was easy enough since I am the one who buys the groceries. If you don’t buy it and don’t have it in the house, it is much easier to avoid. Instead, I stocked up on fresh vegetables and fruit and snacked on them whenever I had the munchies. And I renewed my efforts to not drink soda, since I do not believe the corn syrup in soft drinks is good for us. Even though I love the taste of root beer, it does not quench my thirst but instead leaves me wanting more, which is not really the intended result of drinking a liquid, unless, of course, you are the manufacturer of that liquid and wish the consumer to purchase more! So I went back to drinking mostly water, which I like to drink, and my hot tea and morning cup of mocha. I still have the occasional soda, maybe one or two a week, but not on a daily basis.

Tackling The Mental

Once I began to feel better physically, it was easier to deal with the mental stuff. I knew I needed to pare back my expectations of what I could accomplish each day. I spend a lot of time each day working on this blog and my website: writing new posts, updating old articles, checking links, adding new information. Caring for a toddler means a lot of distractions and those distractions make writing new material an almost impossible task for me. So instead of writing, I focused on the areas I could do more easily with distractions, which is checking and updating links. Doing so immediately lowered my levels of stress and frustration and increased my enjoyment in my granddaughter again.

Along the way I made an interesting discovery. By lowering my expectations, I actually accomplish more. Of course, this doesn’t happen every day, but often enough to be encouraging.

Surviving Burnout

Burnout is survivable. The key is recognizing burnout for what it is, an overload in a particular area, whether homeschooling, life, expectations, whatever, and then taking steps to reduce that overload. Many times those steps mean changing our own expectations of ourselves, our children, our lives. We are not SuperParents. Life will sometimes throw us a curveball or two and we have to step back, regroup, and start again.

How do I know that I have survived burnout this time around? By my renewed interest in crocheting and writing, which I do purely for my own enjoyment. I decided not to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this coming November, but I have been thinking about brushing the dust off an old novel attempt and working a bit more on it. And my current crochet project, a Celtic-design wedding afghan for my son, is exciting the heck out of me! I would like to do nothing more than sit for hours working on it. My passion is back! Burnout is gone! I survived, again!

Homeschool Burnout

If you would like to know more about Homeschooling Burnout – what it is, what causes it, how to conquer it – please read my article, Surviving Homeschool Burnout.

Have you survived burnout, whether Life or Homeschooling? If so, how did you do it? And what did you learn from your burnout?

The greatest gift a parent can give a child, Karen, is the ability to become independently happy.

And the greatest gift a child can give a parent is exercising that ability.

This is a good note for me today. I think I have mentioned previously that our 2 year old granddaughter (2.5 in just a few more weeks) is living with us now, along with her mommy. Her mommy (our daughter) is going back to college for a degree, along with working part-time. So while Mommy is away from home and/or studying, Grandma (or rather Mum-Mum) gets the care of little Miss Munchkin. And it just so happens that Mum-Mum is in great demand even when Mommy is available. Most days, I don’t mind. Some days I do. I find it quite a different matter to have care of a toddler again at (close to) age 50 than I did at age 25. My patience level is not what it was and it seems that my hormones usually coincide with her bad days / teething days. Not a good combination, believe you me!

Miss Munchkin is normally pretty good at playing on her own, but she is only two and I have to continually remind myself of that as she pulls on my arm, wanting Mum-Mum to do this or that with her. Usually it’s just as I am attempting to click on something or do a cut-and-paste on the computer and the tug on my arm throws the mouse into some direction that I had no intention of taking it. Plus she is just beginning to string words together into full sentences and many words are still not decipherable without actually seeing what she wants or needs or having her give the ASL sign. But she’s gaining on the language ability and I will keep working on my patience level. I thought I had this patience thing down to an art with my own children, but I guess I need more practice in its application!

In the coming months I will be chronicling Miss Munchkin’s unschooling adventures here, since she is the next generation unschooler in our household. My focus for many years has been on unschooling high school (transcripts, resources, preparation for college), but our youngest finished his homeschooling this spring, at just about the same time that Miss Munchkin moved in. So now my focus has turned to toddlerhood and the preschooling years. So stay tuned — see how well Mum-Mum makes the mental and physical leap from high school to preschool – and what new insights on unschooling Miss Munchkin will give Mum-Mum!

So far we’ve mostly been cleaning up after a sick little toddler. Baths, showers, clothes … it’s been a long week and just when we think she’s on the mend, then she’s not.

We’ve also done some decluttering, moving extra stuff to the garage and hanging some posters. So far I am pretty sure I have learned nothing new … how about you?

So, within a two-week time period from late April to early May, our household increased from four to six and then went down to five. Miss Munchkin, our granddaughter, is a very busy two-year-old and it is taking Grandma quite some time to adjust from having quiet peaceful days to busy toddler-chasing days while Miss Munchkin’s Mommy goes back to work fulltime. It has been a long time since I had a two-year-old in the household full time and there are days that I am sure I am much too old for it all! I think, though, that we are finally beginning to settle into a bit of a routine.

Beginning Again

So it appears that, instead of being done with homeschooling children, I am beginning all over again! Miss Munchkin is at that age where she soaks up everything, misses nothing, and repeats everything you say. Words are beginning to string together to create short sentences. She is getting taller and we have to keep pushing things further and further back on the counters. You can read about the fun we are having with the refrigerator on my Musings, Mischief and Mayhem blog, Refrigerator Fascination. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

It has been a number of years since I had my toddlers, so I would love to hear ways in which to keep her brain working and her body out of trouble! She has been learning ASL for the last year from the Signing Time series and we just received Volume 11: My Neighborhood and Volume 12: Time to Eat in the mail this week. Her very favorite activity is playing with her wooden ABC puzzles. But we need something new and frankly, Grandma is feeling more tired than creative. Access to the public library is a once a week thing right now, as transportation is a bit of an issue. So we need simple things we can do inside an apartment, as it is now 97 degrees outside here in north Florida!

One great thing we did earlier this week was move Uncle Charles’s discarded mattress to the living room floor. Oh, that is great fun to jump on and dance on and tumble on and run around. Did I mention that Miss Munchkin is active? Grandma is certainly getting her workout these days!

I have a question about Universities. I home-schooled my daughter and son till the 12th grade. They both have dyslexia which with a great deal of hard work have managed to overcome. My daughter was also diagnosed with add/hd but my son was only diagnosed with add. They have both finished high school and started in our local community college.

Ironically, my daughter is doing relatively well with the help of the access office with is a program that allows for students such as herself more time with tests, helps with note taking, etc. My son on the other hand has not done so well. I believe he is a late bloomer. He is not so willing to be a part of the access office of the college. He failed the few courses but never fails to be absent from a single class and is always 30 to 45 min early to class. Yet he struggles to meet the required work for the class. I truly feel that he would benefit from attending a small university that understands these types of students.

During the time I home-schooled the children there was not as much support available. At times I was even told I was doing my children a great disservice. The schools were very damaging to my children’s sense of self worth and self esteem and I can clearly see this in my son to this day.

I was hoping I could get some information about a small University that would accommodate this type of student.

I would deeply appreciate any information you may give me.

Thank you so much for your help.

A worried mom

Dear Worried Mom,

There are universities and colleges that “specialize” in students with learning disabilities. I believe there were two or three mentioned in Lauren Pope’s book, Colleges That Change Lives (read my review of Pope’s book).

I did find this website about dyslexia and college, through a Google search, that looked as though it offered support to the dyslexic college student: Dyslexia At College. That website has a discussion forum where you might get better information about specific colleges / universities. It does appear as though the site is selling some sort of dyslexia testing, just so you know.

Since your son’s current college is already offering assistance, though, it sounds like the issue is that your son is not willing to take advantage of that assistance. If your son is not willing to accept assistance offered locally, going away from home to a university likely will not improve that situation. If anything, it will throw additional stressors into the equation, causing him to question himself and his abilities even more. Has he given a reason for why he is not willing to seek out help from the college?

You say you believe your son is a late bloomer, so I wonder if maybe he is just not ready yet for full-time college. Has he tried just taking one or two courses during a semester? Or maybe he is not ready for college at all? Does he have some other interest that he could pursue for a career, something more hands-on? Maybe the reason that he is not willing to seek out the help is because he would rather be doing something else?

Come on, LeapingFromTheBox.com readers! Step forward with your thoughts and suggestions! Feel free to comment if you have advice for Worried Mom.

Pleasure, enjoyment, delight, joy refer to the feeling of being pleased and happy. Pleasure is the general term: to take pleasure in beautiful scenery. Enjoyment is a quiet sense of well-being and pleasurable satisfaction: enjoyment at sitting in the shade on a warm day. Delight is a high degree of pleasure, usually leading to active expression of it: delight at receiving a hoped-for letter. Joy is a feeling of delight so deep and so lasting that one radiates happiness and expresses it spontaneously: joy at unexpected good news.

So what does bring me joy?

My first thought was writing, but writing is not always joyful or even pleasurable. It can be difficult, painful and emotionally revealing, none of which brings me joy. Writing is something that I have to do, like breathing and eating. It is a rare day that I do not write something, whether a blog post, an email or a letter to a friend (sometimes those are even handwritten!). It does not matter to me whether anyone reads what I write or not. The possibility of an audience is not why I choose write.

Reading also comes to mind, but again, it is more of a need I have, like an addiction to caffeine or nicotine. A day is not complete if I have not had my daily fix of word input and output, reading and writing.

Crocheting gives me pleasure and satisfaction. I find it relaxing, soothing. But crocheting does not give me joy. The act of giving a crocheted item away, knowing that it will be used and appreciated by the recipient, that gives me joy. I never really understood why we needed to save an item that someone had made, pass it down from generation to generation, never to be used. To me, the value of the item is in knowing the person who created that item. If I did not personally know great-grandma Tilly, I am not going to value something made by her nearly as much as I am going to value something made by my Grammy. And so it brings me joy to know that items I have made and given to others are actually being used. That was the reason I made them in the first place!

Here is a picture of the baby afghan I made for my niece’s new baby boy:

Knowing that Aiden’s older brother loved his afghan and carried it around with him for several years gave me great joy. I hope Aiden enjoys his half as much.

Here is another thing that gives me joy:

Copper has taken to sleeping on laptops and computers. When it was ninety degrees and better outside, she preferred sleeping out on our balcony all day long. But when cooler temperatures came in September, she ceased wanting to go out on the balcony and now sleeps away the day on top of laptops or any other computer she can find that is running and warm. Anyway, just seeing a cat gives me pleasure, but having one (or more) of my own that I can interact with gives me joy.

Photography brings me joy. Amy mentioned photography and art in her post, too. Unlike Amy, I have never been interested in the darkroom and developing of pictures. What I love is the hunt for a good subject, the art of framing the subject and the sense of accomplishment I feel when I capture a moment in time. That gives me joy, knowing that I have saved some essence of “now” that can easily be recaptured in the future simply be looking at the picture.

My children, of course, bring me moments of joy. Their individual births were three such moments. Add to that my granddaughter, Miss Munchkin; I was lucky enough to be present at her birth and one of the very first to hold her. Miss Munchkin brings me joy almost every time I see her. There is just something about a toddler who is happy and curious and loving that is joyful, especially when she is related to you.

I feel joy when we hit the road for a road trip, whether it is just a day’s jaunt somewhere or a vacation. There is something truly joyous about leaving behind the every day world for a bit and looking forward towards possible great adventures. And I feel joy every time I step onto a beach. Hearing the waves crashing onto shore and the cry of the gulls, feeling the heat of the sun through the sand on your bare feet, the smell of the salt spray, it all fills me with joy. Oh, and the skirl of bagpipes bring me joy. If ever I were to come across bagpipes being played on the beach while I was walking barefoot with my granddaughter, my heart would likely burst from experiencing too much joy all at once.

Amy’s post talks a lot about finding joy in your work or rather work that you find joyful. I know this is the goal of many unschoolers, to find a way to turn their passion into a career. That is a great goal, although I know few that have been able to truly realize it. The only possible work-related thing that brings me joy is being able to find answers and resources for others. I love to research; I love to hunt for the perfect gift, for the perfect book, for that needed quote or just the right word that will complete a project. I think that is why I continue with my website, since HTML and web design certainly does not bring me joy. On the contrary, many days it fills me with stress and frustration. But I love to know that a resource I have reviewed or something I have written has provided an answer to someone’s quest. That brings me joy.

So, what brings you joy?

So lately I have been checking the labels of items I want to buy just to see where they are made, mostly out of curiosity to begin with, but now with more concern. For several months I tried to find bath towels that were made in the USA and fit my budget, two seemingly disparate criteria. Finally I found some at Sam’s Club, of all places! And just yesterday I was looking at potato mashers at Publix. They had three different brands, all made in China. Now a potato masher is probably not going to have lead paint on it and likely is pretty safe to buy, no matter where it is made. But still! Is there anything still manufactured in America?

With all that in mind, I have been thinking ahead to Christmas and what I might want to get for Miss Munchkin. She recently discovered baby dolls, but a trip to Toys R Us a couple of weeks ago was not real fruitful in that department. So I spent part of this afternoon looking for dolls made in the good ole USA. And actually found a couple. And some others that were made in Europe. Research indicates that the EU (European Union) has more stringent quality controls that the US, so likely any toy made in the EU is going to be as safe, if not safer, than any toy made here. That’s good to know.

I liked the Corolle dolls found at Kazoo Toys. Their website indicates the dolls are “designed in France” but does that mean they are made in France? I guess I will have to contact them to be sure.

The Kinder dolls at www.usmadetoys.com are cute.

Nico & Zoe has some cute cloth dolls.

If you are looking for toys made in America, or at least not made in China, here’s a couple of websites that will be very helpful:

10 Lead-Free Toys Made in USA.

Toys Made in America — Extensive list of American toy companies, brands and products.

I am definitely looking for a baby doll suitable for an almost two-year-old little girl this Christmas, so if you know where I can find one that is not made in China, leave me a comment! Thanks!

I just posted up an article telling about Miss Munchkin’s experiences with sign language. It has been fun watching pure unschooling in action. When you have teens, you miss seeing the joy and excitement that little ones express when they learn something brand new.

Come on over and read American Sign Language (ASL) for Toddlers and Children.

While Kat and Miss Munchkin were here two weekends ago, we visited the beach. I did not think to check for beach advisories before we left, so we were rather disappointed to discover one when we got there. That meant no swimming. It was hot and sticky and there was no breeze and it was not much fun if you couldn’t get into the water. Miss Munchkin played some with her sand and shovel and chased some birds, but we did not stay very long. Next time Grandma will remember to check online for advisories.

I keep telling her Mommy that she needs a haircut!

Penny Update – I took Penny back to the vet on the 23rd for a follow-up. She was doing better and then she wasn’t, so the vet decided to do an x-ray to see if she had any kidney stones. Good news: no stones. (Bad news: wasted money on an x-ray!) The vet decided that she likely has a leakage problem that is fairly common with spayed females of her age and size. So she is now on a twice-daily dose of something to prevent bladder leakage. It does seem to be working, which is good news for my carpets! Now to retrieve my rug cleaner when I go back to Alabama next month.

We had a lot of rain yesterday, maybe close to two inches. The pond in the apartment complex is much higher this morning and Mr. Alligator is having fun cruising around. He seems to be enjoying the higher water level. And I notice this morning that the bird that has been fishing around the pond the last week was now staying out of the water, just fishing from the stone bank. Maybe Mr. Bird is more concerned about Mr. Alligator now that Mr. Alligator is getting around the pond more quickly? I don’t know what the bird is, maybe a heron or egret. I will try to get a pic tomorrow.

The boys signed up for Kenpo Karate last week. Now they just need to get into a routine again, hopefully one that will not involve me doing all the driving! With David as a driver now, it would seem like I should be able to stay at home when they go.

I have been working on updating my Alabama Church School listings the past several days. Each summer I contact every church school listed (and many, many that are not listed) in my attempt to have the most up-to-date listing of church schools online for Alabama homeschoolers. It is a lot of work, but necessary. There are just so many lists online that are not up-to-date, with inaccurate URL’s, e-mail addresses that no longer work, and church schools mentioned that no longer exist.

David’s Freshman English class ends next week. It appears that he is doing well in it, perhaps even a B average. That would be great, compared to how he did last year at Evansville. We are keeping our fingers crossed.

And I think that is it for the updates! Tomorrow is August 1st. That is my Grammy’s birthday, or would have been if she were still alive. I should make molasses cookies in her memory; she always made the most delicious molasses cookies! I wonder if I have her recipe with me or if it is packed away back in Alabama?